Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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