Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I believe in your delicious
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize