Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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