I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
