if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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