I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
