final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
