My liver just broke up with me...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
