The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
