Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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