I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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