dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
