Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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