We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
