I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
