There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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