yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
