we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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