my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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