someone owes me an orgasm
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
