Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
