the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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