we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
