he told me I talked like a deaf person
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
