i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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