Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
