I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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