i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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