i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
