There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
