Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
