you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
