its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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