he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The uberlube is also flammable
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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