I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
