God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize