Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
