I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
