I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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