and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
