do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize