If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
