he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
two words...techno handjob
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
