i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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