Swine flu. Run for my life!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
