So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
