I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
