girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
