i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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