She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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