i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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