I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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