First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
