You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize