it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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