I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
