You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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