Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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