In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize