Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
