I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize