just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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