Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
