I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
