Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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