did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
