Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
