There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
