I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize