i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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