i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
