i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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