I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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