So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
