I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
