his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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