I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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