speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
