Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
