Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
