I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
