There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
