i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize