is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
