You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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