i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
