good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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