please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
