curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
there is glitter all over my balls
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
