That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
