i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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