There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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