i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
